The Hots List
by Seriosity
Summary: So Ino and I were making a list of the kinds of "Hots". "So are you, like, a virgin?" ..."Um, yeah." Sasusaku, Naruino, more later. T for language.


_**--So, are you like, a virgin?**_

A/N: Lol.

* * *

K, so there's this guy, you see. And he's like, really hot. Not like the, "Oh, he's kind of cute" hot, but more like, "Holy fuck. I'd tap that every second of my life!" hot. Not the kind of hot where you think, "Oh, he's really muscular to the extent of being gross, but he still is muscle-y", but more like, "Well toned, nice. Not obscene at all!".

You see, my friend and I are making a guide. The guide to the kinds of hots. I know you're probably thinking, "What! What the hell is the difference!".

And we'll tell you. Every. Single. Kind of hot. Or at least the kinds of hots that regular teenage girls can classify. And by regular, I do not mean depressed to an extreme OR vampire standards. Vampires do not sparkle. Or exist, for that matter. End of story.

This guy, Sasuke Uchiha, is the absolute PERFECT kind of hot. He's got great attributes in everything and he's never over the top. The perfect kind of hot that gets you _fangirls _and people on the street would totally _flirt with you. _Seriously, where do you find a guy like that!? Oh my god, he is sooo hot.

And let me tell you a secret—

My friend and I weren't friends because of him. We were too lovestruck to realize how idiotic we were in being **rivals**. Yes, RIVALS. Over a GUY! This is real life, not an Archie comic (but doesn't he propose to Veronica? That's what I heard). Anyway, Ino got over him because she thought he was "the most assholish guy in the history of assholish guys, topping Shikamaru the Shithead, Sai the Slut, and Naruto the Nuisance(even though she loooooves him)".

And what I mean by that is he rejected her coldly. Not like, "o sry, but no plz", but more like "Um. Are you shitting me? No, I'm not going to go out with you!".

That's actually what he said to her. Sad, isn't it? Now Ino is in love with Naruto Uzumaki. Loudmouth blonde, just like her. Almost too perfect for my taste.

The strangest thing happened to me with the PERFECT HOT kind of guy, too.

* * *

Earlier that day~

I was sitting under a tree during lunch and it just so happened I was in UCHIHA SASUKE'S regular lunch spot to sit as a loner. Flustered, I quickly stepped aside to leave and let Sasuke do his own thing when he stopped me. I know I sound like a dumbass fangirl for saying this, but- Oh. My. God. HOTTTTTT.

His bangs miraculously moved so fluidly and easily that they brushed out of his eyes to the side for a second, then flipped back in place. His hair just makes him ten times hotter, too! He's got _ivory _skin. Ivory! He's paler than me and never has any complexion problems whatsoever. It's like he's a DOLL. A gorgeous asian ball-jointed doll, he's so perfect in looks.

"Wait."

I froze.

"What's your name?" The epitome of hotness asked.

I paused before replying with, "It's Sakura. Haruno Sakura."

"Hn. Your hair is pink," he stated flatly.

"I can see that." I swear, the side of my mouth was twitching. I wasn't sure if I was about to smile or frown.

"So… Are you a virgin?"

I nearly choked in surprise and horror. I stared at him incredulously and my mouth was agape. He just blinked nonchalantly as if he weren't asking a personal and awkward question.

"Um… Yeah?" Oh, gawd. Now it sounded like I was a whore!

"Well, let's test that indecision."

"What the hell does tha-" Next thing I knew, his lips were on mine and he was pressing me against the tree. I really had no idea what to do, but I let him. Wouldn't you? I mean, he's my crush that I've liked for so long and now he's kissing me! Though it seemed like forever, I knew it wasn't that long.

His lips slowly disconnected from mine and my eyes fluttered open, then widened considerably. I tried to say something, but just couldn't.

"Definitely a virgin." Sasuke smirked and kissed me again. But on the cheek.

"… What now?"

"We date now."

…

WHAT THE FUCK.

And it just so happens that I thought that aloud.

"So… Are you a man whore?"

He scowled at me.

"No. I am not a man whore. You're just a pretty girl." And with that, he walked off, leaving me there dumbstruck and more in love.

Tch. Vampires are lame. Real guys are great. And so I went to talk with Ino about the list.

* * *

With Ino and I~

"Wait… He told you to stop, asked if you were a virgin, you got flustered and almost said yeah like a question, and so then he kissed you. And now you're supposed to be dating? What. The. Fuck." Ino was grilling me about all this.

"Pretty much." I replied.

"You, my dearest best friend, are insane and stupid."

"Bitch, I get way better grades than you and I'm in the top 10% of the country!" I exclaimed in response.

"Whatever, you're stupid when it comes to love."

"Since when did we love each other?"

"EW. EW. EW. I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T WANT TO. EWWWWWW."

I slapped my forehead, "Not physically, blondie. No, thank you."

"Whatever. Show me the list of what we have so far. I know you got inspiration from dearest Sasuchiha-kun to write a shit load more."

I sneered and pulled out the papers I had written with the "types of hot".

* * *

Knowing Your Types of Hot

By Haruno Sakura

**Good Kinds of Hot. *--attributes**

1. Well-toned, not obscenely large muscles that bulge and are disgusting.

2. Enchanting eyes that aren't too large or deep-set.

3. Smells good, but not in a girly way like perfume.

4. Tall, but not so much that you have to look up and have your neck hurt all the time. This applies to your height, so choose carefully.

5. Has a nice smile, not too shiny or bright, nor is it malicious.

6. Nose has a nice shape and size. Not too sharp like a knife, not almost unnoticeable.

**Bad Kinds of Hot-**

_Meaning, what the hell has happened to you now? I even impersonated Paris Hilton when I saw you before!_

1. He was fit when you met him, now his muscles are too big and you can barely hug him anymore.

2. You looked deeply into his eyes the first time, but now you realize they make him look like a fucking lemur.

3. You smelled something really good one day and then you realized- he's using your perfume.

4. He was on stage and you were the audience. You didn't realize he'd be this big in comparison to you.

5. His smile takes up half his face, I swear.

6. Holy fuck, it's like a freaking BOULDER IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FACE EVEN THOUGH HE GOT SURGERY.

More to be added in the attributes list.

**Levels;**

Kinda Hot- Hey, he's kind of good looking. Not great or anything, but still nice.

Regular Hot- He's good looking. Nothing amazing, but it's clear he's attractive.

Very Hot- He could advertise clothes or magazines with his looks.

EXTREMELY HOT- I would tap that. Multiple times. A day. Or hour. Ah, hell, he's got FANGIRLS.

**Personality Hots:**

Stupid- Oh my god, I can't believe how idiotic he is- But he is really nice and cute.

Normal- Average guy, except above average looks.

Cold- Tall, dark, handsome ftw. Is not affectionate often, but looks even more special than ever when he is.

Ecstatic- So much energy, upbeat, whatever. It kind of kills the hotness in my personal opinion.

Nerdy- Underneath the glasses, he's something special. ;D

* * *

"You suck, Sakura. I got a stupid and ecstatic guy and you think it KILLS the hotness. You. Suck."

"Psh, whatever. You can make your own blonde edits later, I'm tired." With that, I yawned and left after saying goodbye to Ino.

I still didn't understand how she ended up dating somebody like Naruto. I mean, that kid used to like me. And plus he's just some prankster that likes graffiti. Graffiti on famous statues of our past mayors, in particular.

I yawned and felt my cell phone buzz. I reached into my right jeans pocket and slid it open.

New Message Received

From: ----------(imagine some number. xD)

Curiously, I opened up the message.

Dinner tomorrow at 6:30 PM?

-Sasuke

I felt myself smile, but then realized something. I never told him my cell phone number. So who gave it to him? And then it hit me.

"INO!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

_A/N: I never have chapters this long. Because I can't write very well and will bore you with long chapters of fail. :c Please review!_


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